Thursday, March 28, 2013

Gun it.

It's therapy time again, folks.  Grab a soft blanket and a warm beverage.  Get comfy.  Good news:  I think we're making some progress.

Earlier today I had a brief exchange with a woman, Sarah, who has done some work with my husband in his recording studio.  She is a talented musician and writer.  I have only spoken with her briefly a couple of times in passing, but she took the time to send me a note to let me know that she can relate to a lot of what I have written about here on my blog, and that she was glad to see that she was not alone in her struggles with staying focused.  I replied to thank her for the (much needed and appreciated) encouragement, and to commiserate, saying, "Unfortunately, for whatever reason, I have great difficulty getting motivated without a hard deadline hanging over my head."

I have been like that since high school.  I was the one who waited until the night before a big exam to study.  I never wrote a paper until the day before it was due - staying up all night to crank it out in a haze of exhaustion and frustration.

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have so many ideas in my brain (and in a fair number of notebooks and sketch books) for art projects, essays, articles, novels.  But there is no hard deadline.  And I am woefully out of practice.   And add more lame excuses here... 

After a series of hits to my already fragile confidence, I was feeling weak and vulnerable and hit a low point this very morning.  A rock-bottom of sorts.  I have been feeling disappointed in myself for not using this precious time that I have been given to really work on writing and creating art.  


I am terrified.  Of myself.  Of failure.  Of disappointing people I care about.  Yes, still.  *sigh*

It's ridiculous.  I know.  But there it is.  I count myself as a very lucky girl.  I have so many blessings in my life, and please know that I do not take that for granted for even one fraction of a second.  But sometimes when life's challenges dig at me long and hard enough, I can still feel my old, scarred-over wounds. 

Then I marinate in self-pity for a while.  I stomp my feet, cry, curse, huff and puff, or some combination of those tantrum elements.  Aaaaand, then, somehow, I find a way to get some perspective, pick myself up, dust myself off, get back to work.  So, without getting into too many embarrassing personal details (too late??), suffice it to say that I had a tough morning.

And, as it has to happen after a visit to rock-bottom, I put on my game face and got to the business of pulling myself back up:
  • I answered some long overdue emails.  
  • I found homes for more of my art supplies in my new basement studio space (I need to get some pictures and post an update on this transformation!).  
  • I did some research online that needed to be done.
  • I watched a couple of Donna Downey's "Inspiration Wednesday" videos on YouTube.  She is always a treat!!!
  • I made myself a delicious and nourishing green smoothie. Yum!

Yes, I know it looks like sludge, but it is ZOMG delicious!

I also had some help from The Universe in the form of some amazing happenings:
  • Sarah's note was the start.  
  • I got a glowing response, from an artist that I truly admire, to an old watercolor piece that I posted a photo of on Instagram .  
  • I "happened" to see an article posted on Facebook by Tiny Buddha which, miraculously spoke to EXACTLY what I needed.  They have a knack for that.  
  • My darling husband came down to my studio/ cave and we gave each other a good old-fashioned pep talk.  That ALWAYS makes me feel better.  <3 li="">
I am going to ride this wave of inspiration and renewed vigor, and see where it takes me.

What do YOU do when you are feeling down or uninspired or unfocused?  Do you have any tips or tricks to share that others might find helpful?  I'd love to hear from you all!