Wednesday, February 12, 2014


Note: I wrote this about a year ago, but wanted to find some funny graphics to include with the text. Then I got distracted. Oops.

When I am feeling anxious, down, out of sorts - hell, let's call it like it is - depressed, I try to focus on the positive things in my life to remind myself that things could be worse. Like, a LOT worse.

Most of what I focus on is visceral and base in nature: I have food, clean water, warmth, shelter, family, friends, education, opportunities, wine. For these gifts, I am always and forever grateful. These blessings are not lost on me nor under appreciated in the least. A lot of the time this gentle reminder to myself is enough.

But sometimes I like to go deeper and be more personally specific. As I see myself aging, at first it made me feel panicked and desperate and sad. But as of late, I feel the want to allow myself to look at the wrinkles, and the changes in my skin, hair, body. 

When I hear someone say, "Getting old sucks", I always think, "It's better than the alternative!" I say it out loud on occasion, but I usually try to I censor myself and just keep it trapped in my skull, because in some situations, it would be lost on the audience. Sometimes it would just be cheesy or annoying.

Tonight I caught my own glance in the mirror as I was brushing my teeth. My initial reaction was negative; my mascara from yesterday is still smeared around my eyes, my skin looks dull and crepey, the gray hair around my temples is showing. Then I quickly reminded myself that I am super freaking lucky to be at this point in my life. I looked at myself again, forcing myself to look with love. This time I saw a softness around my eyes borne of hard work in the sun, late nights up laughing and crying with loved ones, worry for those that I see struggling but whom I can not help, other than to sit by and wait or simply send up a prayer, good intention, healing vibration. I saw a tiredness that comes from concern, love, and hoping for the best for those closest to me, and for the entire universe. 

The moral of my story? Cut yourself some slack, get some beauty rest, and when you get up tomorrow, do your best right out of the gate. An object in motion wants to stay in motion. 

Monday, February 10, 2014


Tickle in throat
Chest begins to feel heavy and burny
Slight fatigue and neck aches set in
Tickle, burn, fatigue, and aches intensify and spread, ever so slowly
Make it through the day on PMA and force of will
Return home, relieved to have had a successful day
Fatigue and aches get a good roll going
Still hungry, needing fuel, but not really interested
Husband makes herbal tea and a healthy meal with minor assist from me
Food tastes good, but discomfort increases in kind with fullness of stomach
Struggle to find a comfortable position
Food finally settles and the stomach pain ebbs
Body relaxes a bit and then warmth creeps into my cheeks
Then my eyelids
Then my ears
The top of my head
Fatigue is pulling me down
Aches dig deeper, down from neck, into back
Up from neck into skull
Down from back into hips
Sink into bed, buried in layers
Hoping for restorative sleep