Cleanse.

It is Day 3 of our 3-5 day cleanse.  We are having some withdrawal symptoms, but dealing fairly well with them.  I have a headache that comes and goes.  Neither of us feels great yet, so we are going to stick it out for the full 5 days and hope for improvement.

Because of the cleanse, there is a lot more food prep going on in our house than usual, and that takes up quite a bit of time.  I can't just grab a protein bar on the run, or make a big pot of coffee to drink from all morning.  It is all fresh fruits and veggies, very limited grains, nothing processed.  We have managed to have some fun being creative with what IS allowed on this diet.

These whole foods were chopped and blended to create the "smoothie" shown in the next photo.

I will not go to the trouble of making this ever again. ;P   It looked pretty, though!

We tried quinoa for the first time.  Very bland, but I liked the texture and it was enjoyable with some cinnamon, flax seed, and finely diced apple (for me) and sliced banana (for him).

This was my favorite experiment so far. On the left: 1 hard boiled egg, 1/4 of an avocado, dash of yellow mustard, fresh ground pepper.  On the right:  Steamed kale, lemon juice, red pepper flakes.  I ended up combining the two, and it was delish!

[Disclaimer for the rest of this post:  I really don't want this to be an online diary or therapy session.  My ultimate intent is for this blog to be informative, inspirational, and entertaining.  Right now, though, I am still working on getting myself back into a creative energy groove after such a long hiatus.  So I apologize for the excessive "I"s and "me"s being used. And for the lack of a clear topic.  But there is some jumbled junk blocking my thoughts, and until I get that out and onto "paper", I can't focus on the good stuff. I am hoping that this will improve as I continue to practice, practice, practice.  If you are reading this, Thank You for being my writing practice guinea pig.]

I had a rough start this morning.  And by "rough start" I mean I was feeling sorry for myself.  And when I feel sorry for myself, I get mad at - you guessed it: myself - for being such a wuss.  I have been frustrated and disappointed.  I am stuck in a rut, un-motivated, scared, distracted, foggy-brained.

I am hoping the cleanse will help with some of the brain fog.  I have read and heard first hand from varied sources that acupuncture can be very helpful for this, as well as many other health concerns.  So, as I often do when I need information fast, I put a post on Facebook asking my friends for recommendations for an acupuncturist.  I got some really great leads, and will be contacting the suggested practitioners to find the right fit for our family.  

While I was working full time I would daydream about having time to be with my family, write, and work on creative projects.  I wondered what the heck I had done with my days before I had a full time job.  I made a solemn vow that if I got that free time back I would NEVER waste it again.  Sadly, I have broken that vow.  I need to get my motivation rolling, and practice writing and creating every day, as if it is my job.  Breaking the ice and getting into a habit is difficult for me.  And I tend to procrastinate.  A lot.  Even though I know how much better it is to just jump into something.  Even though I know I perform better when I am busy (with a reasonable amount of down time to re-charge, of course).

So, (after a heart to heart talk with my sweet husband and an hour long hike with my puppy - both of which always make me feel much better) in an attempt to introduce some direction and discipline, and I made a list of what I want to accomplish today :

• Transfer photos from my cell phone to my laptop so that I can use them in blog posts. (Done, hence the photos in this posting.)
• Write this post. (Almost done.)
• Wash at least 2 loads of laundry.  (Half way there.)
• Sweep / vacuum all floors in the house. (This will have to get moved to tomorrow's list, as the photos and writing took a helluva lot longer than I expected. Plus, you know, I am easily distracted. Ha.)
• Practice drawing stuff. (This is going to have to wait until later / tomorrow, too, because now it is time to get ready for the next item of business.)
• Get ready to go to calling hours for my mother's cousin who has passed away. :(

Enjoying a peaceful moment on our new favorite hiking trail.

Instafamous

I have an addiction to Instagram.  Like, I'm completely obsessed.



I love capturing moments in time: a running, truncated, artistic commentary on my life, and the lives of the family, friends, and artists that I follow.

Inspiration Incorporated!

I quit my job in June. 

I worked full time for two and a half years in a customer service / quasi-project manager role. I was grateful to find a job when I needed one, and at a sketchy time in our nation's economy.  I worked hard at that job and took pride in doing my best.  I worked with some really great people. I made friends that I will keep for life.  I learned a lot about the business world and even more about myself.

One of the things that I learned about myself is that I will never love the telecom business, no matter how hard I try.  And, believe me, I tried.  I was presented with opportunities to learn more and move up in the company.  It was very flattering, but instead of being excited about these opportunities, I became increasingly desperate to escape that world.  I yearned to have more time to be creative.  I spent many lunch breaks jotting down ideas for art, home decorating, and writing projects of all sorts.  In every room of the house there are notebooks and loose pieces of paper which have story ideas, drawings, and lists of projects scribbled in them.

I agonized, deliberated, prayed about the decision.  I asked friends and relatives for their honest opinion.  I worried about what people would think.  I worried about losing the income for our family.  I kept asking my husband, "Are you sure it's okay?" Almost every day I asked him the same questions, seeking reassurance, giving him the chance to change his mind.

Because *what if* I suck at writing and art and make a fool of myself?  Publicly.  *shudder*

My last day at my J.O.B. was 2 days before the end of school for my daughter.  This summer I have been focused mostly on enjoying my daughter and my husband, getting back into exercising, hiking with my dog... 

 

It has been a lot of fun, and I am ever so grateful to have the chance to do it! However, this whole time, in the back of my mind (sometimes the middle, and occasionally the front), has been the need to spend some time alone to carve away some of the residue which has clogged my brain.

Back in May (before I quit my job) I signed up for a workshop (see below), along with the lovely and talented Mary Ann Lana.  (PLEASE, for your own sake, check her out.  She is not only gorgeous and brilliant, but she is an inspired photographer, and fricken hilarious!)  I have a lot of ambitious ideas for this fall, including attending this event in a few weeks!      

 

I have been somewhat obsessively following artists that I find inspirational, and need to take action in the direction of creating my own art and writing.  I am trying to get myself organized and motivated, and doing as much as I can think of in order to get that ball rolling. 

On Monday I am going to start a detox / clean eating week which will include some of this Hay House cleansing beverage, and some of Lauren Kelly's clean eating menu.  I have caffeine and sugar addictions that need tempering.  I feel foggy and am lacking focus.  I have done clean eating before, and felt amazing after the cravings subsided, but had difficulties sticking to it.  So, this time, I convinced my sweet husband to do the cleanse with me.  Safety in numbers?  Let's hope.  

I will keep you posted.

Anyone out there struggling with motivation, clarity, and instilling healthy habits?  Suggestions, thoughts, commiserations, concerns? 

Oh, the vanity...

As a small child I had light blonde, shiny, bouncy hair.

Me (3-ish) on the left, my sister, Karen (2-ish), on the right. I had just "trimmed her bangs" that morning.  Nice.

My hair became thicker and darker as I got older. Karen and I spent our summers running around in the sun, which created some lovely natural highlights, but eventually my hair began to resist the sun more and more.

I was probably 7 or 8 here, judging from the snazzy blue spectacles.

This is me at 12, in my first padded bra (obviously a proud moment).

Dissatisfied with the changes in my appearance (and partly, I think, to assert some sort of control over my life), I began to color my hair. It started in junior high school with two streaks of hot pink semi-permanent hair color at my temples (how I wish I had a photo of this!). Through my high school years I dabbled with lemon juice, Sun-In spray, and peroxide straight from the bottle (YIKES!). I began to notice a few gray hairs during high school, but there were only a few, so I just plucked them as I noticed them. No big deal.

After high school I started using box color from the grocery store. I have quite a few natural red-heads in my family, and had always wanted that for myself, so my colors of choice were various shades of auburn. I would change the color almost every time, but generally stuck to the red / auburn / strawberry blonde colors. I felt it worked well with my fair complexion and greenish/ hazel eyes.

The Bogdon clan during my college years - dark auburn. (How did I end up in the middle?)

On my honeymoon - strawberry blonde. (WTHeck was up with that outfit??? Wow.)

In my late twenties, when I was trying to get pregnant, I stopped coloring my hair because I didn't want to use those chemicals during pregnancy.

At my baby shower, "gracefully" growing out my hair. (Still a lot of red on the lower half.

)

After my daughter, Ariel, was born I was too tired and overwhelmed to even think about coloring my hair again.  As the mommy-brain fog slowly lifted, I began to notice more and more gray hairs popping up. Too many to pluck. Time to start coloring again. I did it myself for a while, but with a toddler running around, it was difficult to carve out the 2 hours of time for myself, so most of the time it was partially grown out. I hated the way it looked, and the harsh chemicals of the cheap box color were really beginning to damage my hair. Enter: my friend Erin. She is 10 years younger than me, so when I met her I was 33 and she was 23. She was an unmarried (dating my husband's band mate at that time), no kids, beautiful, fresh, edgy/chic, smart, quick-witted wisp of a young woman. And a helluva hair dresser. After we got to know each other a bit better, she agreed to come to my home to give me a good cut and color to freshen up my style (which I have consistant difficulty with). She did an amazing job, and I was so thrilled to have that pampering again.

My favorite style by Erin.  LOVED this cut!

This continued for a couple of years, but as I got busier with Ariel's growing list of activities, and Erin's life changed around, it became harder to make the time to get my hair done. I occasionally visited her at the salon where she worked, but that was difficult, too. I gave up on treating myself to salon visits, and started (sporadically) coloring my hair by myself again. And, again, it was usually half grown out and continually more damaged by the box coloring products.

Box-o-strawberry-blonde hair damage happening here.

Then I met Kristie. Kristie is one of those people that I was immediately drawn to and wanted to get to know. She exudes beauty, light, warmth and humanity. I soon found out that she is also a fabulous hairstylist. BONUS! So after getting to know each other as friends, she finally became my hairdresser, too.

Over the last few years we have played around with lengths, thinning varying amounts of bulk from my hair, bangs of various shapes and styles, keratin treatments to help with coarseness and frizz, a plethora of colors, and occasional highlights. Her hair is similar to mine, so she "gets" it, and always made my hair look great. I am kind of (extremely) lazy about styling my hair, so for me, the more care-free the cut, the better. We also found a shade and color that is the best as far as the roots not being too horribly obvious as it grows out. There is a delicate balance between being light enough that the grays don't glare at me when they start to re-emerge, and dark enough that it doesn't look too "skunky" as it grows out.

Longer and blonde-ish, thinned out and freshly blown-out by Kristie...

Shorter and darker...

Medium-red, longer... (That's Kristie and her husband, John :)

I am, by nature, a shy person, and try to blend in as much as possible (most of the time ;).  I could easily become reclusive, if pushed too hard in that direction.  I am self-conscious about my appearance and my authenticity as a human being, and have relied on my hair as a bit of a mask for both.  I have tended to hide behind it.  As I am aging, I am becoming more self-conscious, physically and emotionally.  (Posting this many photos of myself feels very awkward and scary.)

On the emotional side, I am trying to reach out to people more, on a heart-felt level.  I am looking at my reactions to people, and trying to open myself up to letting love in, and stop judging - both myself and others.  (More on this in other posts to come...)

On the physical side, I am giving thought and consideration to letting my hair color grow out.  I have consulted with Ariel and Michael.  I paraphrase:

• Ariel says, "Color it.  The gray makes you look old."  

• Michael says, "Stop coloring it and cut it shorter.   I love the gray and want you to grow old gracefully with me." 

*sigh*  Bless their hearts.

My take on the situation:

• Keeping my hair colored and the grays covered helps me to pretend that I am still young and fresh.  
• Contrarily, keeping my hair colored and the grays covered makes me feel like a bit of a fraud. I am 41 years old.  I am most definitely NOT the 16 year old kid that still lives in my head.  

These two opposing view-points battle it out in my head, frequently doused with the hose by the part of me that says, "Oh my GOD, you are so vain!  Get over it!  It's only HAIR, fer Pete's sake!  Get a grip!  There are dogs and children starving in the streets while you agonize over your HAIR!!!  No one cares about your HAIR!!!"

I know I am not the only person to grasp at fading youth.  The beauty industry continues to boom, despite wars and recessions.  But for me, right now, I am trying to focus on living in the moment, being authentic, re-connecting with myself and my family.

So, for now, I am growing it out.  This, of course, is as subject to change as our wonderful Western New York weather...

Last week, at a party with friends.  Hair: Gray at the temples, messy, sweaty, half pulled back, in need of a trim. And me: Oh, so happy. :)

What are your thoughts and feelings about your own aging?  Do you struggle with it or embrace it, and why?  I'd love to hear other view points!

Shiny.

I have been pondering for months, actually, probably longer than that; let's say years, on a project that I would like to take on as a continuing series of postings.  

There is a LONG list of people in my life who inspire me in varied ways.  They are close friends, family members, acquaintances, strangers, and everywhere in between.  I have been yearning to sit down with these people and interview them, get to know them better, find out what makes them tick (or tic, as the case may be ;) ), and in my own little way, share them with everyone I can. 

My desire to share them with you is multifaceted: 

• Hopefully you will find them as inspiring as I do.
• Hopefully you will follow their work, buy their products or support their causes.  
• Hopefully people will connect with others that they may never have met otherwise and blossom in their own lives because of it.
• Hopefully the lives of all involved will be enriched in some way.  I know mine will be.

I made the leap today.  I reached out to someone that I barely know in "real life."  I follow her blogs, her facebook postings, her Etsy shop.  This is a woman with incredible grace, humor, talent and beauty.  She inspires me with every word she writes.  I have wanted to get to know her better for so long now, and took a chance that she might be receptive to be my interview guinea pig.  Hooray - she agreed!  We set a date to get together in the near future.  I can barely contain my excitement!  I can't wait to tell you all about her!  Stay tuned!!  :)


This is my dream:  To help others find light in themselves and each other. 
These are lofty goals.  I am going to give it my all.

Some words from Bob Lonsberry

Lonsberry

Making room.

I only have a few minutes, but wanted to post some pictures of the space that I FINALLY made for crafting, creating art, writing, and wherever else I am lead.  The photos were taken with my iPad, so they aren't very good, but you get the idea.  Pooter obviously loves the spot, though.  :)

I hope to spend some time there very soon and expound upon my journey to making this place in my home and also what I intend to do with it.  Stay tuned!